Proud Women Who Change Girls’ Lives

Carla Alpert (left) and Diane Prefontaine (right) HangPROUD is an online community that encourages girls and women of all ages to embrace their strengths and to let go of self criticisms.

As parents we all try to instill in our children that they should be proud of who they are. We encourage them to believe, our daughters especially, that beauty is measured from the inside out and that it truly is what’s on the inside that matters most. I admit that sometimes I find myself relaying this message while glancing over my shoulder and curiously reexamining the foreign shape that my rear end has taken on in the hallway mirror.

This “do as I say, not as I do” instruction has proven to be ineffective. Consequently two Long Island women have taken a stand to proactively get us gals to truly take heed to these words and stop listening to our worst critics, which all too often are ourselves.

Carla Alpert and Diane Prefontaine created www.HangPROUD.com last year. HangPROUD is an online community that encourages girls and women of all ages to welcome their strengths and to let go of self criticisms. They do so by emphasizing three primary courses of action: to embrace oneself and one’s unique beauty, to live in gratitude everyday, and then to give back to the community.

A Labor of Love

HangPROUD has been a labor of love for Alpert, 42 and Prefontaine, 44, both of whom work full time. Alpert is a graphic designer and holds duel residences in Manhattan and Great Neck and Prefontaine is a media buyer and resides in Smithtown. The idea to “hang proud” stemmed from conversations that Alpert had with her sister. They kidded about trading each other’s body parts and how their bodies were now shifting.

“Over the years we would joke about it, but ultimately it’s really because we never felt good enough in the eyes of the world,” Alpert explains. One particular night she went home and declared to herself that this way of thinking couldn’t dictate her life anymore. Alpert conveyed her sentiments to close friend Prefontaine, and the more they talked about it they discovered just how many women were also wasting time feeling this way.

Prefontaine and Alpert say they remember vividly the feelings of inadequacy they felt as young girls. “I remember being in fifth or sixth grade and feeling completely awful about the way I looked,” recalls Prefontaine. “I ended up compensating for it by being funny.”

Alpert recalls struggling with her weight and feeling horrible during the times when she was a little heavier. She has learned to change her outlook. “I think it’s a combination of mindfulness and healthiness and just actually shooting for your goals instead of focusing on what you look like.”

Real-Life Experiences

That’s the main message of their Web site. It features sections where girls of all ages can click on to hear inspiring stories, read about other Proud Girls or to submit comments themselves. While neither Alpert nor Prefontaine claim to be experts in the field of psychology, they establish suggestions based on real-life experiences. There’s also an astrology section, photo gallery and a chat room for both Proud Girls and Proud Women. Party kits can also be downloaded geared for girls aged 9 to 14, which include invites, the mission statement and activities about what it means to be a Proud Girl.

While reaching adolescent girls is one of the major focuses of HangPROUD, the Web site also has a very popular section for women. Here, women from all over the country write in about different topics that affect them. One shared the struggles and challenges her family faces while raising an autistic child and the great pride she has acquired. Speaking on a variety of issues, these women all have something valuable to share.

Pay It Forward

Alpert suggests the benefits of paying it forward. “The main thing is taking the focus off yourself and replanting it somewhere else that will actually make a difference,” she says. “Ultimately that makes you feel so great about yourself. Take the focus off the negativity and by helping other people you’re really creating a better world.”

Aside from maintaining the site, Alpert and Prefontaine also manage to reach out to the community. “We felt we wanted to take the Web site to another level and we wanted to teach girls how to live this way and how to get rid of self criticisms,” Prefontaine explains.

The two developed hands-on workshops that they have taken from high schools to Girl Scout troops that expand on their message through various exercises. The results allow girls to see how much time they actually spend feeling bad about themselves and encourage practices to help them lose those unwanted feelings. Prefontaine says, “In essence, they’re leaving the workshop without the feelings that weigh them down constantly.”

Prefontaine, who lost her mother when she was 23, finds the mother-daughter workshops to be particularly emotional and freeing. She reasons that teenagers tend to disconnect with their mothers and so the workshops are a good start to reconnecting.

“So many teenagers fight with their mothers and kind of cut them up. You just want to say to them that you don’t know how much you need to appreciate one another because you may not always have each other later in life,” Prefontaine says. “So it’s a good time to reconnect with the person who created them and molded them through life by saying nice things to each other, doing things together and  helping to motivate each other.”

What’s next for HangPROUD? On Mother’s Day they’ll be announcing the winner of the Proud Girls essay contest on their Web site. They’re also creating a nonprofit scholarship fund for Proud Girls to which they’re currently donating 10 percent of their proceeds.