It’s Valentine’s Day and you’re not in the mood for romance, but your husband is.
The problem is that men and women often define romance very differently. You may want and need solicitous attention, a beautiful bouquet of your favorite flowers, a candlelit dinner, sitting by the fireplace holding hands and snuggling, a greeting card or handwritten note expressing loving feelings, a special gift and beautiful music in the background.
But he may want sex.
During pregnancy, a woman’s libido is often enhanced, but it’s just as often diminished. Hormones fluctuate wildly and, as a result, a woman may feel anxious, depressed, exhausted and disinterested in sex. She may be physically uncomfortable during intercourse and, in the early months, her breasts may be tender. In the later months, she may feel cumbersome and unattractive. She may also be nervous that an orgasm can cause miscarriage or that intercourse can harm the baby — both of which are myths.
A Gift to Your Loved One
To keep romance alive during these times, experts advise the following:
• For husbands, get a T-shirt or express the sentiment that says Love Is Patient.
• Hug, kiss and express affection for one another and appreciation for the life you’re creating.
• Find sexual positions that are comfortable.
• Take baths together . . . along with sparkling faux champagne.
• Give each other soothing massages with scented oils that please the senses.
• Dance to your favorite music.
• Do a lot of snuggling — in the buff if you like.
• Hold hands and take long walks.
• If you have other children, get a babysitter so you can have time alone.
A Labor With Love: A Dad’s-To-Be Guide To Romance During Pregnancy by Leon & Scott Baxter (Lulu.com $15).
The Pregnant Woman’s Comfort Book: Self-Nurturing Guide to Your Emotional Well-Being During Pregnancy and Early Motherhood by Jennifer Louden (HarperSanFrancisco, $17)
The Science of Romance: Secrets of the Sexual Brain
by Nigel Barber (Prometheus Books, $28).
Gift of Life: A Spiritual Companion for the Mother-to-Be
by Joan Swirsky (Rodale Books)
Joan Swirsky is a psychotherapist, former OB nurse and Lamaze teacher, and author of Gift of Life: A Spiritual Companion for the Mother-to-Be.