During the years of six to 11, children gradually shift their attention from their family to their peers at school. They seem to have two headquarters: home and school. Outside of these two centers of life, activities consume their interests on the playing field, in scouts or music lessons and religious school. While parents are still uppermost in their thoughts, teachers and friends play an ever-increasing role. Many children in this age range become joiners and find themselves part of social groups. Each gender tends to group together, though girls and boys also make friendships with each other.
Though interest in the opposite sex begins as children enter puberty, these attractions don’t escape the minds of the younger set. While it’s generally downplayed or hidden because they’re industrious learners
and active participants during this time period, they may raisequestions about body changes and sexual activity. Parents should provide brief answers. When you listen carefully to what they have to say without lengthy elaboration on your part, you’llyourthe childin their parents tend to help them trust you for guidance and support.
Developing Self-Esteem
Self-regard in the child is often based to a large degree on real accomplishments and living up to internal goals and standards. Here are some clues to a positive self image:
• Notice how your child idealizes and identifies with his teachers, sports heroes and TV stars. The idols of their daydreams enhance their images of themselves and fuel their aspirations.
• Her view of herself is supported by doing well in school and feeling accepted by peers. But children tend to be honest with themselves about their abilities and need to find a place to shine.
• Children don’t have to be the best pupils to find an area where they feel successful. Interests outside of school often boost their pride and give them a place to call their own.
The lonely child is too easily quietand forgotten. They may find them-selves coping alone because they aren’t troublesome to others. Reach out to your child. Join her alone activities or watch favorite TV shows. These are avenues for conversation that may lead to learning the child’s confidences and worries.
Laurie Hollman, Ph.D., is a psychoanalyst who practices adult, adolescent, child and parent-infant psychotherapy at 1 Wawapek Rd., Cold Spring Harbor, NY, 11724.