Preteens and teens love sleepovers, and why not? Hanging with their best friends, staying up all night, eating lots of junk food, watching lots of junk TV, playing video games, gossiping about classmates — what’s not to like? Well, if you’re the host parent who has to feed this crew, monitor their behavior, protect the carpet from spills, keep siblings away and try to get lights out by 5 am, a sleepover can be nerve-racking and exhausting.

There are some potential benefits to hosting a teen sleepover. When you serve the right foods, maintain the right distance and allow the right amount of freedom, you’ll be perceived as “pretty cool” by your teen’s friends. If you pay attention, even from a distance, you’ll get some insight into your child’s peer environment — how he relates to his friends, the pecking order of the peer group, what interests them. You may also be alerted to peers who are exerting an unhealthy influence on your kid.

Sleepovers also provide an opportunity for parents and teens to make decisions together and practice some negotiation. Setting the date and times, choosing whom to invite and how many, and planning a menu are some of the decisions that can be shared. Even some of the rules — like time for lights out or Internet use — can be negotiated. Because teens really want friends to sleep over, they’ll be motivated to work together.

Have a Stress-Free Night

    
• Plan the sleepover ahead of time. Teens shouldn’t spring sleepovers on parents the night of the event.
    
• Limit the number of overnight guests to the available space in your home. Too many guests can lead to conflict over resources (video games, computer, floor space for sleeping) and personality clashes if friends don’t mix well. Uninvited or unexpected guests should be asked to leave.
    
• Tell guests what they need to bring (sleeping bag, pillow), when to arrive and when to be picked up.
    
• Once everyone has arrived and settled in, let them know your rules and what areas of your home are off limits.
    
• Control the flow in and out of your home. When kids are outside unsupervised, the chances increase that they might do something wrong.
    
• Be present and visible. Be vigilant for the “sleepover sneakout” — waiting until the adults are asleep to sneak outside and get into trouble. Refilling snack bowls is one way to check up.

Some teens may want to invite both boys and girls and will argue that everybody’s just friends. But many experts feel that this situation can be very uncomfortable and create peer pressure to be sexual. A compromise is to in-vite friends of both sexes for the evening, but plan on the opposite sex leaving at a certain time.

Tim Jahn is a human development specialist with Cornell Cooperative Extension of Suffolk County and the father of two sons, ages 14 and 20.